I am an ordinary girl. If you ask me something about myself, I may have nothing to say. But I have an idol, if you ask me something about him, I can have many many things to share with you. And maybe if I am allowed to say that something about him actually is something about me, it does make sense and let me feel warm and happy.

My idol is a mysterious figure. Although he neither has an outstanding-look like other idols nor he could sing and dance, every move of him somehow keeps permeating incomparably poetical temperament (though he never writes poems, which makes the genesis of his poetical temperament more mysterious and appealing). This temperament thus attracts innumerable fans for him. When he made his debut, he was still a minor. At that time, he remained some childish innocence while this childishness did not obscure his innate charisma, but gave a tremendous tension to his image. I still remember, during that time, he attended a variety-reality show. All the hosts and other idols performed extremely hard in front of the camera, trying to show off their beauty, handsomeness, humor and talent. Only he, my idol, sat here without a word but with his deep and chaste eyes. It seemed that he was staring at the camera all the time while also perfectly avoiding any direct  eye-contact with all the cameras at the same time. This ambiguous and elusive ethereality completely took me by storm. And it was not only my personal and subjective feeling, which was proved by the phenomenal ratings of this show – the ratings were three times higher than the show without him before! Without a doubt, there are innumerable girls like me all around the world being attracted by him and becoming a part of his huge fan group.

I have been witnessing his growth and paying attention to every detail about him since that time. Where does he go? Which advertisement does he show up in? Which event does he participate in? I have been trying really hard to know everything about him, which turns out that I almost succeed. I should say this feeling of accompanying makes me feel blissful. In these years, the childish innocence on his face has been gradually fading and being replaced by a kind of maturity with vigor. It is impossible for me to forget the first time I saw him in person. He came to my city to attend an event when I was secretly working on a book which was about him at that time. When I heard of his coming, I immediately dropped my pen and went to the airport to welcome him. The arrivals hall was filled with his fans. You can easily tell the irrepressible joy from people’s expression and body language. Thousands of eyes were staring at the exit where he would come out. After a while, he appeared, which at once blew all the fans’ minds – he was riding on a steed! Our knight was sitting on his horse, keeping his body completely static, and looking into the distance with firmness while his horse was marching with steady pace, took this miraculous image out of our vision step by step, leaving us frozen and falling into a silent ecstasy for a long time. After coming back home, I still could not calm myself down. At that moment, I wrote down such a paragraph: “I saw him – my mysterious idol – riding into the city! It is indeed a wonderful sensation to see such a charming individual, who, concentrated here at a single point, astride a horse, reaches out over the world and conquers it!”

There is a strong sense of aggressiveness inside of the fan circle. From time to time, for various reasons (in order to protect and defend their idol’s interests and reputation), different fan groups fight against each other with guns blazing. I totally understand this. After all, our human always has thymos (θυμός). But all the things related to him will be quite different. We all understand the importance of the C position (the central position), and innumerable conflicts happen between these fan groups are caused by this problem – “who should be at the single C position?” But he has never appeared at the C position on any occasion, no matter it is a TV show, an event scene or a magazine cover. This strange phenomenon, however, never seems to cause the slightest surge in his fans’ minds (including mine). We the fans, connected through him, somehow hold a natural and immanent concurrence. On social media, we never mention anything about the C position. Therefore, we do not have any conflict with other fan groups. Everyone in the fan circle agrees that we are the most understanding and considerate people. Even outside the fan circle, there is a vote called – "Who is your favorite fan-girls group?" –  in which we won the champion indisputably. Though we never mention about the C position before the public, we do have some serious thoughts about this problem in our minds. With his irresistible charisma and the immense power of his fans, there is no reason that he is unable to hold the C position confidently. But why does he never appear at the C position, and why are we, his loving fans, not fighting for this? It is not because of our feebleness, but because we understand that the real C position should be always waiting for the real idol, and we know what the real meaning of “domination” is. And these profound understandings of the C position and domination undoubtedly come from his teaching.

Being a fan of him is really a blessing that I have cultivated in my previous life. He almost does nothing in front of the public. He just appears, disappears, then appears again, then disappears again and the whole world will hold breath for him. What a grandeur manner he possesses! His being itself is already a miracle. I know that many girls like me have paid a lot for their idols. Boosting their popularity through social media, distributing their photos, buying their albums and other merchandise related to them, leaving them one after another paragraph of text expressing love and support. Sometimes I envy them, because these girls have so many things to do for their idols, and what we can do for him seems to be very less than them. He has not published a single album, so we can't express our love for him by buying albums. He also has not acted in a single movie, so we can't buy the tickets of all the cinemas (like other fans always fo) to make the "box office miracle". There are very few high-definition photos of him on social media, because he always lets the photographers fall into the silent ecstasy which caused them forget to press the shutter at the moment when they meet him. Therefore, we can only screenshot his images from some videos. The extreme beauty of elusiveness and ethereality, perhaps only these cold camera machines can be unmoved. But I also know that he doesn't care these things so much. What he really cares is us, is the love of our fans, and all we have to do is the purest but noblest thing in the world, that is, loving him wholeheartedly.

There are many ways to express love, and one of them always makes me respect it in awe. That is, willing to have a child with who you love. It’s a bit embarrassing to say it, that I used to think a lot about that. At that time, I always suspected that if I was qualified enough for him. After all, I was just an ordinary girl! But now I no longer doubt myself. Like him, I have grown a lot over these years. Now I know what the real fertility is and what the true qualification is. Every girl has been pregnant since she was born. And the first time she meets with her idol is the birth. As love continues to deepen, the distance between idols and fans is getting larger and larger, counting from nanometers to millimeters, then to centimeters, then to meters, then to kilometers, to astronomical units, to light years... Have the striding you ever thought that this thriving distance is actually our kid?